Dear Lizzie …

Who is Lizzie, you ask? Well, she is my lizard brain – the fight, flight or freeze part of my brain that pops up in times of danger or fear. My colleague, Sandi Amorim at Deva Coaching coined the term Lizzie and I have taken a liking to it.

Lizzie is essential for our survival – in times of danger she will alert us to take action and protect ourselves. Our ancestors relied upon Lizzie to alert them if they needed to run from a predator. But today we don’t run much from predators and Lizzie tends to show up as fear, as resistance, as excuse making when faced with change and new endeavors.

Lizzie is here to stay (and that’s a good thing) and she has your back and will encourage you to check things out before taking a big leap. But sometimes Lizzie becomes overactive and can keep you stuck and paralyzed.

My Lizzie recently became way too active and started running the show and once I realized this I decided to take action by writing her a letter.

Here it is:

Dear Lizzie,

Hey, I just want to start by thanking you – you always have my back and you work so hard at keeping me safe. But here’s the thing – you tend to over worry and over analyze and are often scared of trying new things and it is smothering me. When you react to everything, it brings me down and crushes my exuberant spirit.

Lizzie, try to remember NOT EVERYTHING IS A LIFE THREATENING EMERGENCY.

You see, I tend to be somewhat adventurous and love trying new things and I fully expect you to speak up when you are alarmed but PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, have a little faith and trust when I tell you all is well and that we are safe. Back down when I tell you I’ve got a handle on things.

I want us to work as a team – looking out for each other and that requires trust.

I am really serious and committed to rebuilding my coaching business and I need you to step back and allow me to find my voice, to risk and try new things. Really the absolute worst thing that can happen is my business fails and my ego gets bruised. I will still be safe both physically & emotionally – you do know I am a tough cookie – and I always bounce back from hardship – you’ve seen it over and over again.

Oh and by the way – I won’t fail – I will succeed – I just need to be slow and steady and focused. So please DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, distract me with worries about getting clients before I am ready to open shop (right now it would be like opening a clothes store to the public before having the store stocked with merchandise) or growing my list or getting noticed.

Lizzie, I am laying the foundational work now, getting really clear on who my perfect people are and what I offer them. I am also working on creating an online presence and am playing around and learning the ropes on Twitter and Facebook as well as on my blog. I need you to step back and let me explore and find my voice on these platforms. Who cares what people think, whether they like me or my message. You & I both know I won’t be everyone’s cup of tea and I am trusting that if I am persistent with getting my message out there, my perfect people will eventually find me.

The doubts and the fear, they just muck me up and distract me and I cannot afford that right now. I need to stay focused and keep taking baby steps towards rebuilding my coaching business. I am really good (actually great) at helping and teaching others to embrace the messiness of life and follow their dreams even while their life is messy. I am the walking poster child for this, especially since having kids. You know that better than anyone. Your support and belief in me would mean the world.

You have been working so hard for so long – I really feel you deserve a break – take a vacation, chillax, have a few drinks, sleep in, do whatever it is you lizards like to do and check in with me from time to time to make sure I am safe – when I need you, I’ll let you know – I always do. And when I tell you I got things handled, trust me – I want to keep me safe just as much as you do.

Love,
Randi 

I invite you to notice how Lizzie shows up in your life and write her a letter telling her how you would like things to be!

Fabulously Yours,

Randi

YOUR INNER GPS, ARE YOU TUNED INTO YOURS?

So many questions and so many answers, sometimes it is overwhelming to pick the right one!

1. What should I eat? Do I eat a Paleo diet, vegan diet or something in between?
2. How do I best raise my teenage boys to become responsible, contributing, happy, fulfilled adults?
3. How do I successfully rebuild my coaching business?
4. Can I really do all of this?

At first, my reaction is: “I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know.”

Google any of these questions and you will find a myriad of advice on what to do, how to do it, what will work, what is doomed to fail. The amount of information is dizzying and almost always conflicting. Everyone is an expert and everyone seems to have the answers but me!

Then I think, “Who to believe? Who to believe?”

The more I research, the more confused and frazzled I get, which leads me to a state of paralysis.

So what’s a girl to do?

For me, the answer is simple. I get quiet, really quiet and turn inwards and I consult my inner GPS (aka gut instinct, intuition) – it always knows where to go and what to do. My inner GPS sits there ever so patiently waiting for my mind chatter to stop long enough so it can be heard.

In times of danger my GPS screams at me and gets my attention but most of the time it whispers ever so quietly.

Deep breathing, writing in my journal and walks with my dog are sure fire ways for me to turn inwards and get quiet enough to tune into my GPS. And when I do, the results are oh so sweet!

Consulting with my GPS does not mean I have all the answers but it does allow me peace of mind. My GPS will often let me know if a decision I made feels right or it will alert me if I am heading down a slippery slope. My GPS also empowers me to trust in myself and my decisions after I have done a reasonable amount of research instead of residing in fear and doubt. And, my GPS reminds me that in any point in time, I have the power to make a new decision, if the one I already made is no longer working for me.

I would love to hear from you! How do you tune into your inner GPS? How does your GPS help you navigate your way through life?

Fabulously Yours,

Randi

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

I don’t know about you, but I am a master storyteller. I have been practicing for years. Like a toddler, I love hearing the same story over and over and over again.  My story becomes comfortable and safe like a well loved security blanket. I retell my story so often that it becomes entrenched in my being and a part of who I am.

My favorite story lately has been about exhaustion. You see, I am recovering from one of the most traumatic years of my life and I am tired. I am grateful that things are better, they have been for about 4 months, but now that I am on the other side of the trauma I realize that I am exhausted. For the past 2 months my exhaustion has been deepening and the story I am telling myself sounds something like:

“How can you possibly think about rebuilding your business, you’re so tired and you need to save what little energy you have for the kids.”

And as a result of telling myself this story countless times, over the last 2 months my behaviour has changed:

• My self care declined, I am no longer writing in my journal, meditating or eating well, all important components in my well being and directly impact my energy levels.
• My boundaries got sloppy and I am finding myself over extended and exhausted as a result.

With every breath I take I am reinforcing my exhaustion. I have been waking up exhausted and simple chores feel overwhelming.

At any given moment you have the power to say: This is not how the story is going to end. ~ Unknown

I am tired of being tired and miss the exuberance I normally have for life. I need a new story, one with a different ending. A story where I remind myself of my strength, resilience, exuberance and my desire to be of service to others. A story where I can balance being a great mom and rebuild my business all while honoring my fatigue and taking care of myself. Actually, it is the act of self care that allows me to be my best physically, mentally and spiritually.

My new story is short and sweet but oh so powerful.

“I am vibrant and full of energy and it is the perfect time to rebuild my business.”

As I retell myself this story, it will become a self fulfilling prophecy since our stories become our realities.

What stories are you ready to change? I would love to hear from you!

Fabulously Yours,

Randi

 

What Are You Waiting For?

Do you ever feel as if everyone has their shit together but you? You look around and everyone else seems, well, more together. They are more organized, patient, wise, confidant, successful. You compare yourself to them and walk away feeling incompetent, less than, a failure.

When I compare myself to others the effect is downright PARALYZING!!! It is easy to fall into the “Everyone has got their shit together but me and that is why I haven’t … (fill in the blank with any of your hopes and dreams). But then I remind myself, nobody has their shit together. Some people are just better at pretending they do.  And, sometimes we like to pretend they do. It is a great cop-out when we tell ourselves that story. It allows us to stay stuck as the victim instead of taking action and responsibility for our lives.

Well, I don’t have my shit together! Not. Even. Close. Most days I walk around feeling somewhat frazzled and disorganized, like I have bitten off more than I can chew, making it up as I go along.

And, when I make it up as I go along, I have fun and life is interesting, scary and somewhat exciting. Like a rollercoaster ride, a really great rollercoaster ride.

If I waited to have my shit together before doing anything well I would have never gotten married, I would have never ever had kids and I certainly would not have become a life coach! I am so glad I didn’t wait!

Life is about adventure and risk and growth. And we can only grow if we embrace uncertainty and move forward with our hopes and dreams even when we haven’t figured it all out. The key is baby steps.

Fabulously Yours,

Randi

I’ll Be Happy When …

I’ll be happy when I lose 10 pounds.

I’ll be happy when my business is built and running like a well oiled machine.

I’ll be happy when I get that bracelet, big screen t.v., larger house, dining room set, hardwood floors, luxury car …

I’ll be happy when it is the weekend.

I’ll be happy when I go on vacation.

I’ll be happy when the dishes are done.

I’ll be happy when …

Does this script sound familiar?

I tried looking outside myself for happiness and the happiness was only fleeting at best. When I lost the 10lbs, yeah I felt good, actually I felt great but all the other problems and stressors in my life were still present and I still worried about them and handled them as I always did. It didn’t take long before I forgot about the 10 pounds and was back to being anxious and worried.

Same thing is true with things. It feels great to get a new car, bracelet, remodeled kitchen, pair of jeans, etc. It takes your mind off your problems and stressors for a few minutes, hours, maybe even days but then it all starts creeping back into your head slowly and you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders all over again and you start planning, dreaming even obsessing over the next thing you can buy to make you happy.

When we give events, goals and things the power to control our happiness and fix our problems we are constantly met with frustration and disappointment. Our happiness is a choice and it is birthed from living from a place of gratitude, awe and wonder.

What if we decided to be happy with what we have and who we are right now as we work to attain our goals and acquire new things? What if the journey to attain our goals was just as satisfying as the actual goal itself?  And, what if we chose change what is within our control to best handle the challenges in our life and then accepted what is beyond our control and focused on being grateful for what is right in our lives?

My new script sounds something like:

I’ll be happy while I change my diet, eat more healthfully and lose weight.

I’ll be happy while I save for my new car and I appreciate that my old car still gets me to where I want to go.

I’ll be happy while I rebuild my business.

I now approach my life and daily activities with a sense of wonder and appreciation because I find I am happiest when:

I pause and enjoy the crisp fresh air when I head out for walk.

I watch both my cat & dog curled up on the couch sleeping looking ever so innocent.

I appreciate the look, smell and taste of my food.

I focus on how strong my body is and how it moves with such ease.

I enjoy a good joke with my kids.

I make the time to spend time with my husband.

I have a good conversation with a friend.

I’ll be happy, NOW!!! How about you?

Fabulously Yours,

Randi

Repeat after me … I. Am. Enough.

“Randi you are not smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough, resourceful enough, clever enough, brave enough. “

“You don’t have what it takes.”

“Who would want to hear what you have to say? Plus, it has all been said before!”

“You want to do what?????”

Welcome to my world and my self talk. These thoughts crop up when I step outside my comfort zone and I risk and put myself out there in a vulnerable way. The feelings are so intense I get a full body reaction. You know the kind, the fight or flight, adrenaline fuelled reaction. My breath gets shallow, my heart starts racing and all I can think about is fleeing to safety.

This fight or flight reaction was very useful to our ancestors when they had to flee from a predator. Unlike our ancestors, I am not fleeing a tiger but instead the thoughts of my own mind! But here’s the thing, no matter how fast or how far I run I cannot run away from myself! I have become an expert in the game of self sabotage, with a pile of half finish projects as reminders of my expertise. Well I am tired of getting in my own way.

So what is the alternative?

Feeling the fear and doing it anyways. The more I resist the fear the more it persists and the bigger it grows. When I slow down long enough to just accept the fear, acknowledge the fear and even appreciate that it is trying to keep me safe, I am able to slow my racing mind, think more rationally and move from inaction to action.

I have also learned not to believe everything I think! My thoughts are just thoughts, not ABSOLUTE TRUTHS. With practice, I am becoming skilled at changing my self talk and the more I practice it, the more I believe it. Sounds something like, “Randi, You. Are. Enough.” It has become my new mantra!

I have also aligned myself with a community of dynamic women. In this community we can freely express our insecurities, our fears, our dreams and ideas and get support and encouragement to move forward and do it anyways.

It takes courage to step out of your comfort zone and learn a new skill, launch a new project, be true to yourself and express your ideas and thoughts in an authentic and vulnerable way.

Courage is like a muscle. We strengthen it with use. ~ Ruth Gordon

I am curious, how are you going to strengthen your courage muscle and believe that You. Are. Enough. ?

I would love to hear your ideas!!!

Fabulously Yours,

Randi

Embracing My Awesomeness!

I am awesome! There I said it! I am shouting it from the rooftops for all to hear. I am awesome!

Nope, I am not full of myself and to be quite honest no more or less awesome than anyone else. I am simply embracing and owning WHO I AM and what I have to offer this planet. We are all awesome, it is simply a matter of embracing our unique gifts and talents instead of trying to blend in and be like everyone else.

As Dr Seuss so eloquently put it:

Why fit in when you were born to stand out?

I am smart and witty and funny. I am empathetic and fiercely loyal and very kind. I am also stubborn and serious and very intense. I have a wealth of experience some wonderful and some so gut wrenchingly painful it would bring tears to your eyes, your heart and soul. All of that contributes to my awesomeness and the message I have to share with the world. I want to make sure the wonderful experiences are shared as well as the lessons from the gut wrenchingly painful ones, otherwise these experiences would all be in vain.

I have walked around for many years ignoring what makes my heart sing (I was scared to take a stand) and instead put my time and energy into being a people pleaser which left me feeling depleted, angry and resentful.

I have come to realize that a big part of reclaiming my awesomeness was letting go of trying to be everything to everyone because all it does is breed mediocrity. And mediocrity is not awesome. Mediocrity drains you of your energy and your creativity.

I am now focusing on what lights me up and boy is it awesome!

What can you do to reclaim your awesomeness?

Fabulously Yours,

Randi

Are You Constipated???

We live in a constipated world – and laxatives – are certainly not the answers to our woes! From schoolyards to boardrooms and everything in between we are taught and conditioned to tone it down, be politically correct and keep our true feelings to ourselves so as not to offend anyone.

I yearned to fit in growing up, conformity at all costs. I never did fit in, I was always too tall, big boned with frizzy short curly hair when all the other girls were shorter, more delicate in build with long straight glossy locks. I wore my emotions on my sleeve, making me a target for the bullies. I learned very quickly better to hide how I really felt and fall under the radar rather than draw attention to myself. I was never popular regardless of how much I tried to look or act the part and in the process I quieted that fiery, spunky, smart, exuberant girl who had so much to say and so much joy to share with the world. I became introverted and sad and felt deeply misunderstood and constantly worried about what other people thought of me.

As I grew up, got married and started raising a family of my own, the fit in at all costs mentality stuck with me. Years of stuffing down my feelings has left me feeling emotionally constipated.  When I did fit in, I felt like crap because I was hiding who I really was in order to be accepted.

It became a full time job, watching my Ps & Qs so as not to offend, constantly reminding myself to tone it down, laugh quietly, behave like a lady and contain my emotions. It has sucked the creative life force out of me and has left me drained, exhausted and feeling very much alone and isolated. That is part of the reason why I stopped writing my blog.

What other people think of you is none of your business ~Paulo Coelho

Well I am now rejecting this way of being. The cost is too high.  So what if I laugh too loud, wear my emotions on my sleeve, jump up and down when really excited and smile so big and wide I am all teeth. So what if I have an expressive booming classroom voice and talk with my hands. I feel great when I do these things. I love who I am. I am fun and kind and witty and generous and funny. When I quiet that insecure part of me that yearns to fit in, I find the confidence and feel great when I express how I truly feel, whether I agree with you or not.

I think this world would be a kinder, gentler place if we as a society encouraged each other to be ourselves and express how we really feel.

I am commiting to writing regular posts detailing my journey in finding my voice and sharing how I really feel – and I have so much to share – the best is yet to come! I hope you’ll join me!

Fabulously Yours,

Randi

 

Hi Again

Hi Everyone,

It has been about 3.5 months since I have written in this blog. Soon after my last post, I had a family emergency which left me FRAZZLED. I am only now starting to recognize life as I knew it before the emergency. All of my time and energy the last few months have been focused on family and self care. I am happy to say I am beginning to feel like myself again!

As I reflect over the last few months, I thought  it may be helpful to share the strategies I used to deal with this very challenging time.

• Acceptance – First and foremost, it was really important for me to accept the situation at hand. The situation was out of my control and I could do nothing to change it. Only through accepting what was, could I begin to support myself and those around me.
• Write in my journal – Great place to vent and brainstorm and get really honest about how I was feeling.
• Acknowledge my feelings – It is perfectly okay to be angry or scared or sad. It was important for me to acknowledge how I felt and experience the feeling without getting lost in it.
• Focus on what I could change – I focused on what was within my control and it felt empowering. Sometimes the only thing that was within my control was my perspective and reaction to the situation.
• Got coaching – Working with my own coach through this challenging time was very helpful. It allowed me to keep focused on what was really important and set realistic goals regarding how I handled the situation.
• Confided in trusted friends.
• Gave myself permission to say NO to extra commitments.
• Gave myself permission to let things like laundry and housework slide.

I am curious, how do you cope in emergengies or challenging situations? Please share the strategies you find most helpful.

I look forward to your responses.

Fabulously Yours,

Randi

Spring cleaning

I have to admit that the last couple of weeks I have been feeling frazzled. I have been having a hard time keeping up with all my commitments and my ever growing  “to do”  list. Yesterday I decided it was time to take charge and do something about it. I was going to do some spring cleaning – some emotional decluttering!

To start, I realized that I strayed from my journal and have only written in it sporadically over the last couple of months. My journal is my trusted companion. When I journal regularly, I gain many insights regarding what is and what isn’t working for me. It helps me get very clear on what I’d like to change and how I will change it.

Here are some of the discoveries I made when I cracked open my brand new purple Moleskin notebook to journal :

• I am spending way too much time surfing the web. I will go online to check emails, get distracted and start checking out other websites of interest.
• I am watching way too much tv.
• I am not planning and scheduling in certain leisure activities which are important to me.
• I am feeling drained and not fully enjoying time spent with family and friends.
• I am wishing I had more time to do the things that are really important to me.

When I took stock of what I wrote, I realized that with a bit of planning and a bit of discipline, I could turn wishing I had more time into a reality. It is simply a matter of setting an intention to devote my time to activities that energize me and let go of those that drain me. Instead of using the tv and the computer to destress, I could plan to engage in some of the leisure activities that I enjoy, that energize me and bring meaning to my life.

I decided I am going to sign up for an art course which starts mid April. I have also decided to limit my tv watching and schedule in blocks of time throughout the week where I check email and work on the computer. When the time period is up, the computer will be turned off.

I am also going to set aside some time to journal and to meditate everyday. I know from experience I am much more grounded and centered and productive when I do so.

Finally, when the urge to waste time and engage in energy drainers becomes overwhelming, I am going to ask myself: “Does spending time this way enhance the quality of my life? ” If the answer is no, I will then ask myself: “What will?”

With this new found strategy, I intend to feel good about the limited time I spend in front of the tv and computer and enjoy my new found energy and time to devote to the activities that nourish me and bring me joy.

Now if only decluttering the closets could be so easy ….

I would love to hear from you. Are you doing any spring cleaning? What activities are you letting go of ? By doing so, what activities are you creating the time and space for?

Please share your responses, as we can all learn from one another. I look forward to hearing from you!

Fabulously Yours,

Randi